AHA!

When I started the Warrior Sage Program, I discovered that what I wanted to bring in my life was TRUST. I wanted to allow myself to Trust the Process; trust myself; trust others.  In many ways, the last 5 years alone have been such a huge teacher in the subject of trust. I have: left my husband with 2 young daughters in tow, leaving our home in Charlotte & coming back to IL; rented an apartment on my own for the 1st time ever; been completely financially independent; mended a broken heart, bought a business, made it more successful than it had been; went without child support for years while my ex-husband was out of work.  Some days, I feel I trust myself to the point of cockiness. But, I earned it.
Now, here I am, 2 days after turning 40, excited about the second half, looking forward to our manifestation night! The first half, I was feeling good-I was a mighty oak tree-the breeze looked like dollar signs coming toward me-the apples growing on my branches were ginormous! My leaves were a royal purple and the tree was full and beautiful.  Then, it was time to do a project involving putting our manifestations in a jar-I was so excited! This is what I had been waiting for!Yet, immediately, I was nervous. I felt as if I was doing my jar wrong. I asked Michelle a few questions, I put too much glitter in my jar, I forgot to add one word-ONE WORD-to one of my manifestations and, as I tried to retrieve it, glitter got everywhere, and I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I made such a mess, ashamed that I wasted a jar, apologizing profusely to Michelle.
Immediately after completing our jars the group meditated for 68 seconds about an item we put in the jar-the intention I meditated on was wealth/financial abundance. I had 2 images that popped into my head during the 68 seconds-one was of a homeless mother of 3 I gave money to this morning on 90/94 & Fullerton, the other was of a homeless lady I would see sleeping on a bench at a bus stop on Harlem Ave days on end for months a few years back.
The calm before the storm...or in my case, the confidence before the shame. It gets me every time. It has for years.
AHA!! So THERE YOU ARE! The reason why my manifestations have not been manifesting. I had a conversation yesterday with a good friend in which I said; "whatever is showing up in your life are your core belief's in action. No exception."
This evening I received one of the greatest gifts of my life so far. I understand that in order to get out of my own way, I needed to learn what is was that had been standing in my way to begin with. And tonight I did. As I drove home, I felt my issue was akin to putting a wedding dress on without having showered for 9 days. It's time to strip, shift, release, clear the energy ...and then, I trust that my desires will all come to me with unbelievable ease & speed. I've seen it, I believe it, and I'm truly blessed that the missing piece of the puzzle has been found.
Thank you, Michelle and the wonderful group of women who made this possible for me tonight.